When should you date?

So, I posted the below video on facebook a few days ago and asked for input… Then I read some of the input from other people’s pages that reposted the same video… For the sake of self-promoting my blog, I’ve decided to put my conviction here… First, you may want to watch the video…




Two things I tell our students quite frequently when it comes to dating…

1) Know your standards for a spouse BEFORE you date & DO NOT COMPROMISE those standards!  Don’t think you’re going to win them to Christ through “Missionary Dating” or that they’re bad habits are going to change because they are so in love with you.  If they don’t meet the qualifications you have for your spouse or FUTURE parent of your child, don’t date them… period…

2) Don’t date for the sake of dating… I see so many students (primarily girls) who seem to not be able to breathe without a BF.  They bounce from one to another to another.  They change BFs more often than I change socks and (in my opinion) it’s all b/c they’re trying to fill a void in their life & they’re filling it with the wrong junk.  I like what Mark said in the video… don’t worry about dating, worry about maturing.  If only these students (or adults for that matter) would spend time preparing themselves to be the man or woman that God has called them to be… what a difference that would make!  What if we filled those voids in our lives with the one thing that could actually fulfill us, Christ?

I’ll be honest, it sounds hypocritical of me to say this because Jenny & I started dating at 16 (although as sappy as it is, she met every requirement I had for a wife & I was about 95% positive before we even started dating that we were going to get married… as long as I didn’t screw up); however, there is so much that is often overlooked.  I agree with Mark regarding the concept of Don’t Date Until You’re Ready To Get Married.  It could be said that I was dating Jenny with the intent of marrying her; however, I often think about how better prepared I would have been for marriage if I had focused those few years of HS on growing in Christ & maturing in my faith.  Yes, it all worked out for us, but many times, life could have been easier if we had waited to date.  I wasn’t ready to marry at 16, 18, or 20… at times I felt like I was barely ready to marry at 21…

I’m not sure yet if we’re not going to allow Eason to date while he’s in HS although that’s the direction I’m leading.  My prayer is that through how he’s raised & in his walk with the Lord that would be a decision he makes on his own through his own convictions.

So… What do y’all think?

4 thoughts on “When should you date?

  1. I got my first boyfriend at 15 1/2, and he and I dated 2 years, so I can’t say that I will tell my kid that she “can’t date”, personally. However, I AM praying that she has awkward years between the ages of 12-17. 😉 I was raised, however, that a boy should treat a girl with respect and like a lady. You attract the kind of person you expect to attract. If you set high standards then typically you date those who treat you exceedingly well. I truly never dated a really deplorable guy and I was able to keep my heart, soul, and integrity in tact when I met my husband. I think that modeling how a dating relationship should be, begins at home. If Belle sees how we treat each other with respect and how dating means companionship rather that a constant high-lust situation, then she’s going to be attracted to those kinds of dating relationships. At least that’s my hope. 🙂


    1. Thanks for the reply April, I think a lot of what influences a student in they’re dating choices is the roles in which they see their parents play toward one another. I hope that Eason learns how to treat ladies by the way I interact with Jenny, and I hope that Jenny is the example to him of what to look for in a spouse. My prayer is that by his being observing us, it will encourage a healthy relationship between him & whomever he dates (whenever that may be).
      And YES… I’m also praying for the “awkward years”… although I wouldn’t mind them lasting until he’s about 20… just to be honest!

      Thanks again!


  2. We have decided to not let B&B date until basically they leave home for college. They can “court”, but not date. (We will have to research that further as we get closer, since it is something we do not have firsthand experience with.) I think as youth ministers we have a very unique perspective. It was after serving in youth min. for 9 years that we knew that dating was really not the best option for teens. It was kind of the same for D & I….we “survived” those dating years…but it would have been more beneficial to wait to date.


    1. LP, I completely understand! It kinda gives me a different perspective on teen dating being in student ministry & watching the change in students from the “talking to” stage, through the dating, & with the breaking up stage… We can watch attitudes & behavior change as they become more serious in their relationship & even as they become more intimate… It definitely makes us stop & think…


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